This is my very personal & emotional story of my life long struggle with depression and multiple suicide attempts in recognition of National Suicide Prevention Day. This video will not be monetized or sponsored in any way, shape or form and is offered as an olive branch to anyone that needs it and I urge you to share it or make your own.
I made this video because I have a unique perspective on the subject including SSRI medication, physical & mental abuse and self loathing just to name a few things that lead me to attempting suicide multiple times throughout my life with my last attempt being as recent as last year.
I know this video will lose me subscribers and make me vulnerable to attacks and trolling by exposing vulnerabilities but I don't care about any of those things when compared to the good I hope this video can do if the right people see it that need help. I know that when I was in a dark place I could have used something like this to give me perspective and honestly, if I feel that way again in the future I can come back to it and this video may very well save my life at some point.
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I realize this isn't the video you expected after a few weeks of not uploading but today is National Suicide Prevention Day (September, 10th) and I wanted to tell my emotional story of my struggles with depression and my numerous suicide attempts throughout my life including the one that just happened last year that was pure dumb luck I survived. I realize that making this video will cause a lot of people to unsubscribe and give trolls new attack vectors to come at me because I'm exposing my vulnerabilities but the way I see it is if we all stay quiet and keep on letting suicide and depression get stigmatized as mental illnesses then nobody is going to be able to come forward and get help!
So I am throwing my hat in the ring with this video and letting it all hang out, if this video even helps a single person change their mind or give them new hope and realize they aren't alone and they are not sick, broken or undesirable then I will die of old age knowing I made a real difference and my legacy will live on in the people that paid it forward and ultimately helped out others. If you also suffer from depression please take this video as an invite to share your stories down below from either your own experiences or people that you know that struggle. Take this as an opportunity to share something other people will find valuable and even make your own video if you have the capabilities.
I really think the internet has made people less connected and less caring of each-other leading to a lot more depression and a lot more self loathing and I really hope people start to change their minds and behaviors just a little bit to make the world a better places and start letting people know that they are not crazy or sick because they are thinking of suicide but rather just feel backed into a corner and don't know what to do and see it as the only way out. I want you to know it's not the only way out and there are a lot of other options that you just can't see when you're in the thick of the emotional distress and I hope this video gives you an anchor to think about next time you're considering suicide and buys you the time to come to a better conclusion that ultimately will lead to you having a long and productive life doing whatever the hell you want with a smile on your face.
Just because today sucks doesn't mean tomorrow is going to, I know it seems that way but it's simply not true! Please, share this video, it's not monetized, I don't make any money and it's not targeted at my demographic so it won't grow my subscriber base. This video is my attempt to help others avoid a situation that almost took my life so hopefully they too can realize everything can turn around with a single good day and they could start enjoying life again. But, there is no 2nd chance when you're gone so please seek help and if you're in a position to help someone else showing the symptoms please don't wait, please don't convince yourself they need their space, etc. HELP THEM!
I love you all, even the trolls. Please share your stories down below so anyone watching this video that needs it can see just how many of us suffer from the same problems they do and they will be able to finally clearly see they are NOT ALONE!
Hey Barnacules! It takes guts to make a video like this and i thank you for it. I love your content and i leaned so much from it. Please don`t pay attention to all the haters and "trolls" as you called them. Congrats on your beautiful family. To quote a very influential character, May the force be with you my friend:)
You are a very clever, intelligent and helpful kind guy, from what I've seen of your vids. You have a lot to give, and others wouldn't benefit from your knowledge if you weren't around. Always know your worth.
Awesome video. My sister-in-law killed herself a little over a year ago. She was an amazing person. A force of nature. She spiraled out of control one night and posted some dark, vague, defeatist statement on Facebook and that's what her family and friends are left with: a cry for help that we all ignored or didn't respond to in a tangable way. She's gone. Thanks for this video.
You know I've been casually following your work for years now, and when I stumbled upon a video of yours I thought its that silly guy again. Most of us never let our surroundings know our true feelings, we just put on the happy face and suffer inside. You having the courage to make yourself vulnerable like this in order to help people is something to admire. You have my respect for life.
honestly you should stop using youtube for that. you're sick it's not funny at all. take time for ya and your family. get better and comeback. but please stop exposing everything like this, it will not help you.
Sadly ive tried many times to get you off twitter. But i felt like those sincere attempts to try and get you away from the toxic dump went unheard because there were so many negative posts flooding stuff. I tried started a youtube channel myself and I was like no way I would ever read comments or interact socially because I knew I just didnt wanna see that garbage. I know how much you wanna be social but its so easy for people to be a toxic asshole when they are behind the safety of their screens. Its like the worst place to try and be social with someone. I think having a few co-workers in your life if you kept the video content flowing enough to justify having an editor and stuff i think would make things so much better for you. Im a single man of 38 years old. All my friends stopped wanting to play games with me because all they wanna do is play shooters so we have nothing in common any more. I leave the house maybe once a month, no one every wants to hang out in real life, i have people who consider me a friend for sure but i dont feel i have a friend in regards of someone who wants to seriously play games together and shit. Im sure being 500 lbs also isnt helping me but its so hard to lose at this point
[crap english] seeing this video i thought about something: wouldnt be a great advice to people who suffer from that, to go cry in public places? everyone who cries in public do receive attention and help. maybe thats a very simple and very effective act. dont you think?
I still have these thoughts when shit goes out of hand and i don't know what to do anymore.. my arms explain enough to people that they don't even need to ask.. and this is mostly because i think i won't make it in the future since i don't work and quitted school because of being held on my throat being threatend with a knife always being told i'm gonna be beated up after school..
Thank you so much. It’s the Holidays and my depression has just really hit me hard and this has made me see just really I’m not alone. I know that’s a cliche but it really helped. I thought I was broken and I was the only one who had high moments and still could become so suicidal. Thank you so much.
I love you, Jerry! I really needed to see this today. I've been watching you since your DJI Phantom 2 unboxing. I've shut myself off for awhile, but decided to go on YouTube today and wanted to see what you were up to lately. This is the video I clicked on. You're a fucking angel, dude!
If it wasn't for my kids I would not be here today. that thought always help me to get through a crisis. then I tell myself Leaving my kids without a dad because of suicide is selfish and is cowardice. I really liked this video when you talked about your son I got tears in my eyes. Don't let yourself get down by all the haters and the trolls out there. they are not worth it. In recent years with social media getting so popular every joe thinks they can speak there mind if it is good or absolutely wrong. I liked the internet much more before social media, there were less stupid people speaking their mind. that is what all the haters and trolls out there are. stupid people that probably not achieved anything in their lives. So they are not worth it man. look at what you achieved in your life. I think its great and you should continue what you do your good at it. I really had a bad day today, I was watching youtube just to get things off my mind. then I stumbled on to this video. I am familiar with your channels and thought that's a strange title for a tech channel. so i watched it. I must say it made my day better. So thanks for the positive vibe you gave me. So don't let haters and trolls get you down, I think you are a really great guy and bring positivity to the internet. (You even managed to make me cry :-) keep up the good work, and thanks for making my day better.
sorry for my English its not my native language.
there is one thing I also want to say. I'm no therapist or anything. but I think that the problems you have are the result of things you went through in your childhood. And this goes deep. It really roots into your psyche like a tree in the ground. maybe you should seek some therapist to learn to cope with these things. I hope you get over the thoughts that bring you down. If the origin is from stuff out your childhood it is very difficult to figure it out on your own. And those hard moments will come back when you have a period of weakness. Wish you the best. Life is to short to be miserable, is it not? :-)
Dear Jerry. I can relate to everything you are saying. But please don't listen to those dark thoughts. Your one in ten million, by watching your videos, i feel like i know you pretty well.
And i want you to know that you have helped that one person you wanted to help. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you. Much love from Australia. Keep your head up, and much love to your family too.
This video is so powerful, me and my gf have both went through depression and its been one hell of a ride, and by no means was it a fun one, your videos inspired me to get into 3D printing, and your story always resonated with me, because sometimes i do feel like a piece of shit and no one loves you but thats when you need to look up and see everyone around you, thank you for making this video.
P.S: the 450 or so peoples who disliked the video can go fuck themselves.
I have never been actually diagnosed due to my parents locking me inside my house with no way out, but i have had many moments of trying to kill myself, they don't believe depression exists, emotional and physical abuse from my sister and parents, i always break down in the end, nobody to call due to the lack of a phone to use, everyone i had met online is fucking toxic, i have no real friends cause anyone i tried to be friends with in real life would bully me basically, i already have nearly lead myself to eating disorders, nothing seems well, and i nearly tried to kill myself at a time when i was still 11, that was a YEAR ago, so, all that i ever thought was suicide that week, but on Discord i have friends that constantly remind me every single day, that they love me and care, they are there when i am going in a rough moment, hell, during a rough moment one of my friends played minecraft with me for about an hour while drama was happening, she was there for me,
Sorry, i vented too much, but, this helped me so much, thank you, <3
YOU R SO AWESOME !!!
And your little son looked literally like a little angel, when I saw him in a former video of yours...
I have (had) similar parents and psychology, so I can get what you're talking about.... Thnx for sharing! This video is worth increasing your subscribers for sure. Greetings from Greece!
When I'm 40 yo, so in 18 years, I will go for euthanasia, if it gets worse I'll do it myself. I don't care about other people's feelings then. I have tried it before and someday it will happen. I'm gay and in love with my best friend, I can never be in a relationship with him and it crushes me. I also live in complete emptiness. And suicide, regretful?, nope not for me. My parents are being dicks all the time. Jerry, you're a great guy, but if people have plans, really well overlooked plans, like me, they won't take your advice. I have thought about shooting up my school several times, but guns aren't available over here. I have tried committing suicide multiple times, to me it feels terrible to be alive. I'm gay, chubby, mentally and physically handicapped, poor etc etc. and I'm done with it. I am giving my life 18 years more, then it's done, if doctors won't do it, I'll do it myself and then it's done.
Thank you I know it’s cringe but growing up my mom and my dad split up a little after I was born and there was I don’t know my mom says it was fine but everyday he’d come close to backhanding me while screaming at me I became bulimic because every time I’d sit down to eat or grab food from the fridge after school because Id feel guilty about packing a lunch to school because my step dad would pick at my eating habits or tell me to stop eating that I’m ugly every month he’d come into my room and tell me he was only doing this because he loved me when I turned fourteen I ran away because we were play fighting and he pinned me down and screamed at me saying that I was awful and annoying every time he’d get mad he’d say that I’m sorry for ranting but my mom just watched this happen was this actually wrong? I feel like I’m overreacting am I?..
Love u Jerry I'm so proud of you man I haven't been able to watch YouTube for a while been crazy busy but I always check in on you and make sure your still being the amazing dude you are and Zander is the luckiest kid in the world to have a dad like you. I'm sure your
Youth was bad but that just means your going to do anything you can to ensure Zander don't grow up like you did. Keep it up man your true fans will always support you no matter what
Wow tremendous video. I recently found your channel looking through tech videos, and I like your style. So I looked through your videos and found this one. My childhood mirrored yours. Alcohol, physical and mental abuse. I'm also clinically depressed and have struggled with suicide. I find my childhood bothers and impedes me more as I get older. I'm now 44 and still struggle. Thank you for this video. It takes a lot to put yourself out there. Stay strong brother and your son needs you.
Bru you just gained a subscriber, im a long time lurker on this channel you brought tears to my eyes remembering my experience with with suicide... You need a strange to talk to send me a message I'll talk you off the cliff...
I have a friend James I talked with him about he said his parents don’t love him I told him that they do I got bullied recently I thought about it i then thought is it worth it no so I stopped and I don’t want to ever think about it again
Thanks for helping me get over my depression .. i have tons and tons of depressive toughts in my head and i keep crying imma call next time im alone that suicide hotline becouse i dont wanna talk to my mom with that and i just feel utterly empty and give tons of euros out on datingsites to become happy and forget about the sadness :(
When i turned 17 in high school i randomly went threw a depression. My life up till then was awesome, and i loved everyone around me and i felt loved. I was a star athlete in school and people looked up to me but not sure why or how but randomly i felt depressed and my life went dark. For weeks I thought of suicide and it scared me but i was also scared to tell anyone cause i didn't want them to get worried about me. Especially my mom. Tell this day i haven't told her but for years now i suffer from depression randomly. But like you, i always think of my son (1 year old) and my wife and how i couldn't leave them by them self heartbroken and wondering why. I fear being alone too. When my wife and son go out of town for the weekend and i stay home for work i get scared but dont want to tell her to ruin her trip or have her worried. (I tend to care a lot about others feelings and what they think) but this video has helped me a lot. So happy you didn't do it and im able to hear your story. You son and wife need you. Just like mine need me. And you have people that love you more than you know. Thanks Barnacules!
Why do you believe the internet is so toxic in general? I agree that it can be a terrible place socially but I'm wondering what people's opinions are on why others come to the internet to verbally hurt others and bully
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